JDan's thesis on system building

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Sometimes computers are for fun and entertainment (games, dvd, mp3) sometimes they are just tools (accounting, billing, inventory control.) Should your payroll literally sing?

If you want to build a car would you rather have a committee of 1,000 who have all been for a ride or Enzo Ferrari?

Design is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration. But, without inspiration all you'll get is salty water.

If you don't know where you're going, You'll almost never get there.

"I'll know it when I see it" literally means,"I don't have a clue."

If you don't understand something, explain it in acronyms.

Acronyms are for people with good memories and bad minds.

Depth perception, That's the ability to predict where the balloon will pop out When you poke in 'here'.

Fragile is a twenty first century word for fubar, also a synonym for snafu.

Only when it works can you worry about innovation, elegance and beauty.

Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Bill Gates is wrong.

Programs should read like novels, bad novels, with no surprises, obvious plot lines, annoyingly redundant phrasing and no need to look up the big words.

Do 100 things 1 way and they all work. Do 1 thing 100 ways and you still have 99 things to do.

You got to build it backwards. If you start with inputs you have to guess at the outputs. If you start with the outputs, the inputs are obvious.

Resist changing your mind, even when you're wrong. A better way may not be the best way unless the way you're committed won't work at all.

You can never finish one, but there are benchmarks along the way.

IF you're looking for someone with the right attitude to do testing, try the programmer's Ex wife.

If you test the edges, the middle will take care of itself.

Saving milliseconds often costs hours.

Think hard to find an easy way to do it. Not a new way, but a familiar way you've done it 1,000 times before.

If it's not obvious, It's not right.

No problem is hard to solve, if you've already solved it once (Hell if anybody has solved it once.)

If you need to drive a nail, put away your screwdriver even if it's an elegant and wonderful screwdriver, and get out your hammer.

The Following elements constitute the footnotes to this thesis. The salient points of this thesis are derived from the concepts and attitudes presented in these footnotes, although to be honest the thesis was complete before all (no make that any) of the footnotes were assembled.

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, (Sherlock Holmes) with special appreciation to Rich Uchytil, The PEG.

"There is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to manage than the creation of a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old system and merely lukewarm defenders in those who would gain by the new one"
Machiavelli, 1513 with special appreciation to Ross W Holland, The PEG.

"Debugging is twice as hard as writing the code in the first place. Therefore, if you write the code as cleverly as possible, you are, by definition, not smart enough to debug it." -- Brian Kernighan
with special appreciation to Gus Bjorklund, Wizard and Vice President, Technology ObjectStore Division, Progress Software, Bedford MA., The PEG.

"DaHunting Elephants

MATHEMATICIANS hunt elephants by going to Africa, throwing out everything that is not an elephant, and catching one of whatever is left.
EXPERIENCED MATHEMATICIANS will attempt to prove the existence of at least one unique elephant before proceeding to step 1 as a subordinate exercise.
PROFESSORS OF MATHEMATICS will prove the existence of at least one unique elephant and then leave the detection and capture of an actual elephant as an exercise for their graduate students.
COMPUTER SCIENTISTS hunt elephants by exercising Algorithm A:
* 1. Go to Africa.
* 2. Start at the Cape of Good Hope.
* 3. Work northward in an orderly manner, traversing the continent alternately east and west.
* 4. During each traverse pass,
* a. Catch each animal seen.
* b. Compare each animal caught to a known elephant.
* c. Stop when a match is detected.
EXPERIENCED COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS modify Algorithm A by placing a known elephant in Cairo to ensure that the algorithm will terminate.
ASSEMBLY LANGUAGE PROGRAMMERS prefer to execute Algorithm A on their hands and knees.
ENGINEERS hunt elephants by going to Africa, catching grey animals at random, and stopping when any one of them weighs within plus or minus 15 percent of any previously observed elephant.
ECONOMISTS don't hunt elephants, but they believe that if elephants are paid enough, they will hunt themselves.
STATISTICIANS hunt the first animal they see N times and call it an elephant.
CONSULTANTS don't hunt elephants, and many have never hunted anything at all, but they can be hired by the hour to advise those people who do.
OPERATIONS RESEARCH CONSULTANTS can also measure the correlation of hat size and bullet color to the efficiency of elephant-hunting strategies, if someone else will only identify the elephants.
POLITICIANS don't hunt elephants, but they will share the elephants you catch with the people who voted for them.
LAWYERS don't hunt elephants, but they do follow the herds around arguing about who owns the droppings.
SOFTWARE LAWYERS-will claim that they own an entire herd based on the look and feel of one dropping.
VICE PRESIDENTS OF ENGINEERING, RESEARCH, AND DEVELOPMENT try hard to hunt elephants, but their staffs are designed to prevent it. When the vice president does get to hunt elephants, the staff will try to ensure that all possible elephants are completely pre hunted before the vice president sees them. If the vice president does see a nonprehunted elephant, the staff will (1) compliment the vice president and (2) prevent its recurrence.
SENIOR MANAGERS set broad elephant-hunting policy based on the assumption that elephants are just like field mice, but with deeper voices.
QUALITY ASSURANCE INSPECTORS ignore the elephants and look for mistakes the other hunters made when they were packing the jeep.
SALES PEOPLE don't hunt elephants but spend their time selling elephants they haven't caught, for delivery two days before the season opens
SOFTWARE SALES PEOPLE ship the first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an elephant.
HARDWARE SALES PEOPLE catch rabbits, paint them grey, and sell them as desktop elephants.
Have a nice day, and believe me, that sums up the IT industry!"
CREDIT TO:
A r t h u r F i n k
Ten New Island Avenue
207.766.5722
Peaks Island, Maine 04108
arthur@arthurfink.com
and the PEG.