Murphy's Technology Laws

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Murphy's Technology Laws
Credited to Bob Zupancic of Progress Software, but I bet he got it from someone else and didn't provide proper credit in the email

1- You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

2- Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

3- Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

4- Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

5- If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.

6- The opulence of the front office decor varies inversely with the fundamental solvency of the firm.

7- The attention span of a computer is only as long as it electrical cord.

8- An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he knows absolutely everything about nothing.

9- Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.

10- All great discoveries are made by mistake.

11- Always draw your curves, then plot your reading.

12- Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

13- All's well that ends.

14- A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

15- The first myth of management is that it exists.

16- A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.

17- New systems generate new problems.

18- To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

19- We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.

20- Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

21- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic

22- A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

23- The faster a computer is, the faster it will reach a crashed state.

24- Nothing motivates a man more than to see his boss putting in an honest day's work.

25- Some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book.

26- The primary function of the design engineer is to make things difficult for the fabricator and impossible for the serviceman.

27- To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.

28- After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.

29- Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.

30- A complex system that works is invariably found to have evolved from a simple system that works.

31- If mathematically you end up with the incorrect answer, try multiplying by the page number.

32- Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.

33- Give all orders verbally. Never write anything down that might go into a "Pearl Harbor File."

34- Under the most rigorously controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, volume, humidity, and other variables the organism will do as it damn well pleases.

35- If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.

36- The more cordial the buyer's secretary, the greater the odds that the competition already has the order.

37- In designing any type of construction, no overall dimension can be totalled correctly after 4:30 p.m. on Friday. The correct total will become self-evident at 8:15 a.m. on Monday.

38- Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

39- All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

40- The only perfect science is hind-sight.

41- Work smarder and not harder and be careful of yor speling.

42- If it's not in the computer, it doesn't exist.

43- If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.

44- When all else fails, read the instructions.

45- If there is a possibility of several things going wrong the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.

46- Everything that goes up must come down.

47- Any instrument when dropped will roll into the least accessible corner.

48- Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.

49- Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will want to use it.

50- The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of management.

51- Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.